Year of Full Moons
by PhiGirl
Summary: There are few things that Severus Snape fears more than werewolves. Having been bitten by one, however, he has to cope not only with painful transformations but also with keeping in Voldemorts good graces, teaching occlumency to an unwilling student and enduring Dolores Umbridge. Takes place in 1996.
1. Wolf Moon

I am a physicist and one day I am going to invent a time machine. Then I will go back, taking a copy of Harry Potter with me, and publish the books before JKR does. Until then, none of this belongs to me.

On a somewhat more serious note: I can't promise that I will ever finish this story. I do promise, however, that I will post a summary of the already plotted parts if I don't manage to finish it and if there is interest.

I'd be glad for your opinion on this. And if you find any mistakes (and as I'm not a native speaker I can promise you: there are many) please point them out to me.

**Wolf Moon**

Friday, January 5 (21:51)

On January 5, 1996, three events took place that together would change the course of history. In the morning, the potions master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had begun to brew a batch of Wolfsbane potion. At noon, the dark wizard who called himself Lord Voldemort summoned his followers to a meeting. In the evening, a full moon shone over Britain.

Severus Snape was a Death Eater and a teacher at Hogwarts. It was because he had to attend the meeting with Voldemort that he could not finish the Wolfsbane potion. It was also because of the meeting that Snape was at the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix later to report on Voldemort's plans.

Merely a small crowd had gathered in the kitchen of the old Black house: only those whose trustworthiness was beyond doubt had been invited, and only a few of them could attend at such short notice. Albus Dumbledore was there, of course, as well as his deputy Minerva McGonagall. Surprisingly enough, of the four aurors in the Order, three managed to be there. Kingsley Shacklebolt was talking animatedly with McGonagall. Nymphadora Tonks, after having roused the vociferous portrait of the late Mrs Black, had proceeded to knock over a chair, break a glass of water and stumble into almost everyone who was already there. She was now under orders not to move unnecessarily. Alastor Moody, having gained his footing again after being knocked over by Tonks, was surveying the room as thoroughly as if he expected Death Eaters to apparate in at any moment. Knowing Moody, he probably did. Then there were Arthur and Molly Weasley. The latter was busy preparing sandwiches for the assembled crowd. As a mother to seven it was a habit for her to look after the nutritional welfare of many. The last attendant was Sirius Black, the owner of the house. It was no surprise to anyone that he was there, as he was still hunted by the Ministry after his escape from Azkaban. Luckily for him, the one who lead the search was currently sitting at the same table and had no intention to hand over a fellow Order member.

There were four people in the house who did not attend the Order meeting. Three of them were Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley, all Hogwarts students. Dumbledore had decided that even Hogwarts was not save enough to protect them in the absence of the three Order members on staff. They were resentful that they were not allowed at the gathering and had gone upstairs only under great protests. It was highly likely that they were plotting ways to listen in to the meeting at that moment.

The other one not to attend the meeting was Remus Lupin. He was the werewolf for whom the Wolfsbane had been intended and had been locked securely in the cellar. Of course, he could not have attended even with the potion.

"Welcome, my dear friends", Dumbledore greeted the assembled when everyone was there. "I apologise for the short notice. There is, however, important news that cannot wait. I will leave it to Severus to explain."

The eyes turned to the wizard who until then had been blending in with the shadows at the back of the room. He now strode forward and stood before them with crossed arms. It was impossible to tell from his expression if the news was good or bad.

"A few hours ago I was called to the Dark Lord", he began.

Predictably, there was a snort from Moody and a muttered comment from Black. Dumbledore's presence, however, was enough to keep it civil for the moment.

"As we suspected, he has made plans to free his followers from Azkaban. The Dark Lord intends to enact them in one or two weeks' time. After the failures of the last month he has grown suspicious and has revealed the exact plans only to those who will be directly involved. Taking an educated guess, however, it is likely that the Dark Lord will provide a distraction to draw the aurors away from the prison."

"There are still the dementors", interjected Tonks.

Snape shook his head dismissively.

"The Dark Lord is able to offer them what they crave. They will turn to his side soon enough. I will try to find out particulars, but for now that is all the information I have."

"Thank you, Severus", Dumbledore smiled. "Kingsley, is there any chance to keep the aurors there, or even send more?"

They proceeded to discuss the benefits of different approaches. In the end, the aurors left the meeting early to start putting the measures into action.

"Does he suspect you, Severus?" Arthur asked kindly.

"Not more than most of the others. A certain distrust is a given in my position, but he has no reason to suspect me personally."

"I bet", muttered Black. "Betraying us behind our backs will do that."

Dark robes flared as Snape turned on his heel, a cold sneer securely on his face.

"What, exactly, are you implying, Black?"

"You bloody bastard, you know what I'm implying!" The man had risen from his chair and was leaning forward over the table. His teeth were bared in a dog-like snarl. "Your master mucks around in your mind and Dumbledore trusts your word alone. Wonder who of them you're betraying!"

Snape's hand shot to his wand in an instinctive motion, but he stopped himself from drawing it. With carefully restrained anger he turned his head, seeking Dumbledore's eyes.

Understanding seemed to pass between the two men and finally Snape shook his head slightly and broke the contact.

"Occlumency, Black", he sneered. "I trust you have heard of it."

It was only Arthur's restraining hand and McGonagall's stern "Sit down, Sirius!" that kept Black from lunging at Snape.

Dumbledore stood, smiling benignly.

"Severus has my fullest trust", he stated. "I believe we have covered all important points for now. This meeting is dismissed."

He turned to Snape and continued more softly, "I have important business right now. I must ask you and Minerva to apparate our students back "

Snape nodded although he was clearly not impressed.

"Certainly, Headmaster."

Dumbledore left and Snape, after throwing a short look at McGonagall who was in deep conversation with Molly Weasley, decided to wait in the hall.

Rage reared its head again when he spied the retreating end of an Extendable Ear.

"Potter!" he snarled and briskly strode up the stairs. He proceeded to lecture them about the importance of privacy, but only Granger seemed slightly impressed. The boys just stared at him in defiant anger. They still believed themselves entitled to every piece of information. As if this was some sort of game and not an impending civil war.

"Downstairs!" he barked finally, when his temper threatened to snap. "We are leaving right now."

They trudged down the stairs in silence. Suddenly there was a muffled crash, followed by the rapid patter of paws on stone.

Snape could feel the panic engulf him. His breath quickened and cold sweat ran down his back. He was unable to move. But he was not longer sixteen years old and governed by fear. With an effort of will he broke from the frozen state.

"What …?" That was Granger's startled voice.

"Up!" Snape commanded, and if his voice was not entirely steady it did not matter. "Run!"

He threw himself forward, wand drawn, at the same moment as the large wolf burst from the flight of stairs that lead to the cellar. It was quite literally a sight directly from his nightmares.

"Remus", Potter gasped. He had not moved.

Snape cast a quick succession of spells, but while they injured the werewolf they were not enough to stop it. There was no room to move on the stairs, not with the students right behind him. The beast ploughed into him and then there was only pain. Something ripped his skin, claws or teeth or both, he could not say.

It was ironic, a not-quite-sane thought interspersed itself in Snape's mind, that he should die like this. At least it was better than being tortured to death by the Dark Lord.

He could feel the wolf's damp breath on his face.

Almost surprised he noticed that he could still move his wand-arm. Fur scratched over his closed eye-lids as he concentrated on the words that would kill even a werewolf.

And then suddenly the pain spiked, and when he opened his eyes he saw that the beast had been yanked backwards, its claws forcefully ripped out of his flesh.

"Severus!" It was McGonagall's panicked voice.

Snape struggled to sit up.

"Is it …?"

"Unconscious", McGonagall said grimly. "We will lock him in and make sure that he will not escape again."

"Good", Snape gasped. Then, "Did he ...?" He seemed unable to finish a full sentence, but they understood. They exchanged uncomfortable glances and he looked down at his mauled and shredded skin.

Right.

"He did", he stated and was astonished by his own calm. The anger would come later, he was sure.

There was silence as nobody wanted to acknowledge it.

"The students?" he asked instead.

"W…we're all right, sir", came a stammer from behind. Granger again.

"Good", he repeated, unable to say anything more.

Then he passed out.


	2. Hunger Moon

Finally, the next chapter. Severus is a bit out of sorts ...

I don't know if it's clear enough what the dates below the chapter titles mean. That are the dates + times of the full moons. I've decided to stick to the real calender and somehow make the HP timeline fit because I really didn't want to calculate the times to fit potterverse. That also means that there are going to be 13 chapters in all.  
I looked up the times of the full moon on fullmoon_info (dot instead of underscore) and the times of moonrise and -set on timeanddate_com (same here).

* * *

**Hunger Moon**

Sunday, February 4 (17:58)

When Severus woke he knew at once that he was in the hospital wing. Slowly he opened his eyes.

"He's awake!" someone bellowed near his ear and he flinched.

Madame Pomfrey came bustling. She checked his injuries and made him down several ill-tasting potions. Not that he could complain. He had brewed them all himself.

After she finished she looked at him uncomfortably.

"I'm not sure how much you remember, Severus. You were …"

"I was bitten by a werewolf, I know." His voice was clinical. And then he realised what he had just said. He laughed brittly.

"Good thing I know how to brew Wolfsbane, isn't it?"

Pomfrey and McGonagall exchanged a concerned glance. Snape knew that they thought him unhinged, and perhaps they were right. He had reason enough, after all.

"Get Dumbledore", he demanded.

They complied wordlessly.

And then Dumbledore was there, calling him his boy and telling him how sorry he was.

"Shut up, Dumbledore", he said when he could no longer bear it. "I'll leave as soon as I'm able to. If you wish I will speak to a few colleagues of mine. There might be someone willing to take the potions position."

"Oh Severus, there is no need for that. Of course you will be able to continue teaching."

"I will not endanger the students", Snape stated.

"There is no need to leave because of that. Arrangements can be made."

"Like with Lupin?" Snape asked sarcastically. "That worked so very well. No, I am leaving."

"I doubt that Voldemort will accept that."

"Damn it!" Severus yelled suddenly. In the end it always came down to this. His life, it seemed, was fated to be ruled by one master or another. For the last fourteen years it had been these two men. Now the moon had joined their ranks. The line on which he walked, that small divide between discovery as a spy and being worse than useless, had just become even thinner. He closed his eyes and tried to bring his breathing back under control.

"Fine", he said after a while, his voice resigned. "I will look for a safe place away from the school for the transformations, and I will leave at least two hours before moonrise."

Dumbledore nodded sadly.

"If that is what you wish, my boy."

"I do not wish any of this", Snape spat. "I did not ask to be bitten by this beast. But oh, I can hear it already. 'He always was a monster, what's new?' 'Serves him right, the git. He had it coming.' And perhaps: 'Thank you, Mr Black, and congratulations for succeeding this time!' Bloody hell!"

He turned away from the headmaster and closed his eyes. He wanted to be left alone. He should have known that Dumbledore would not leave him be.

"There is no evidence that Sirius has anything to do with this."

Of course the old man would take Black's side; he always had. How foolish of him to hope otherwise.

"Then where was he, Dumbledore? And how did his pet werewolf get out of the cage? That mangy bastard tried to _kill_ me. Again!" Severus did not bother to wipe the spittle away that had flown out of his mouth. Who cared if he looked like a rabid animal; he was one, after all, thanks to Black. "You let him get away with it once, no wonder he tried again. I'm not going to let him get away with it this time. I'll make him pay for what he did to me!"

"That is _enough_, Severus", Dumbledore said sharply. "You will control yourself, and you will not harm Sirius."

"Fine! Just … fine." Severus clenched his teeth and forced his next words to come out in a polite tone. "Thank you for clarifying where I stand with you, Headmaster."

The old man looked taken aback.

"Severus –"

"Just leave me alone!"

He told himself that he did not feel ashamed when he saw the hurt in the headmaster's eyes.

* * *

Three days later the wounds had healed well enough that Pomfrey let him go, although under great protests and with admonitions to rest often. Severus agreed, as he always did, and after leaving promptly disregarded her advice. He suspected that she knew this and that it was the reason for her disgruntled expression.

Snape did the best he could to distract himself from any thoughts about werewolves and transformations. He attended the meals but otherwise kept his contact with the other staff to a minimum. Instead he was in his lab all day long, brewing healing potions for the hospital wing until he was tired enough to fall into an exhausted sleep.

He had put a silencing charm on his bedroom so that nobody would hear his screams when he once again faced the werewolf in his dreams. Night after night Severus woke to image of the beast standing over him and the feeling of saliva dribbling onto his face. Sometimes he managed to fall asleep again, but more often he would get up and roam the empty corridors. And if he met any students it was at least a way to let out a small part of the anger that had built up inside him.

* * *

On the evening before classes started again the burning of the brand on his arm ripped him out of his routine. Severus hastened outside of the school grounds and apparated, letting the Dark Lord's call take care of the destination.

It was pretty much a waste of time, he decided after the first hour of standing in the cold. There were a few reports, but nothing of import. Then the Dark Lord went on about the glory they would reap with their strike against Azkaban and how they would show the world that Lord Voldemort was once again a force to be feared – infuriatingly enough without mentioning any details that might have helped the Order, except that it was planned for some time on the next day.

It would have been boring had he not dreaded the prospect of what would come after the meeting. Snape had not told the Dark Lord of the werewolf attack, but he had let it show in his thoughts when giving his report. No doubt his master would call him out on it later, though it comforted him that he had not done so right away in front of the others.

And he was right: after the last straggler had left the Dark Lord demanded, "Why did you not tell me about the attack? Did you think you could hide it?"

Severus ducked his head as if in fear, not that he wasn't afraid.

"I did not wish to be treated like Greyback and his likes, my Lord", he confessed. "Although it was foolish to think you would not realise."

"Ah, but you forget that Greyback is a brute and not much use for anything but battle, while you are my potions master and my eyes with Dumbledore. Your mind is much more useful than savage strength."

"Thank you, my Lord", said Severus with a deep bow. "My apologies for the misconception and for trying to hide it from you."

The Dark Lord smiled.

"You are forgiven. You understand, of course, that I will have to punish you. I cannot afford a spy who hides things from me. It is not up to you to judge the significance of the facts, only to report them. I hope you will remember this."

A bow again. This was getting tired.

"I will, my Lord."

And then his world consisted only of pain.

* * *

The next morning Severus was still somewhat shaken. If he had been less used to performing unpleasant tasks or more prone to laziness he might have used the excuse to get out of teaching his first class of the day: the fourth year Slytherin-Gryffindor mix that was the bane of his Monday mornings. They seemed to have forgotten everything they had ever learned over the holidays. The remains of the first explosion of the day were already cleaned away (followed by a very satisfying episode of shouting at the miscreant) when the door opened to admit the person he wanted to see least of all.

The robes alone should have been enough to qualify her for a life term in Azkaban – or at the very least admission to an insane asylum. That garish shade of pink was probably something that could only be achieved by magic. And her cloying smile was even more nauseating than the headmaster's lemon drops.

But Snape had a job to perform – two, in fact, that of teacher and spy – and so he kept his expression free of disgust and his voice polite as he responded to her greeting.

"Proceed", he then commanded the students. "And keep in mind that anyone who produces a less than perfect potion will write three feet on what exactly went wrong and how it could have been corrected, including complete alchemical reaction charts [1]."

That might at least keep the bunch of unruly pranksters in line, even if it would do nothing to lessen the class's general stupidity.

Snape gave them a last stern glare and turned to Umbridge.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Damn Dumbledore and damn the Dark Lord for making him toady up to that woman. It seldom bode well when both his masters demanded the same thing.

"I have heard no explanation for your absence, Professor Snape", she squawked. "Where have you been for the last days?"

Her high, girlish voice made her sound like a love-struck simpleton. Snape could hear his students' badly suppressed giggles and he just knew that a new rumour was born.

"I do not see what concern of yours that would be, High Inquisitor", he replied flatly.

"It is only a matter of form, you understand."

What he understood was that she was a nosy toad. The way his lips curled would have made any of his students wary, but she merely smiled at him simperingly.

"An unfortunate encounter with an acromantula", Snape offered the explanation she would find if she ever managed to get into Pomfrey's records. His knuckles were white from the grip he had on the back of his chair. "It necessitated a stay in the hospital wing."

She gaped at him.

"Acromantula?"

"One of the reasons why we forbid the students to enter the forest."

She looked ill, Severus noticed with satisfaction, and after that it did not take her long to leave.

His satisfaction did not hold for long. After lunch Dumbledore caught him to inform him that the attack on Azkaban had taken place unthwarted and that ten Death Eaters had escaped. Severus resigned himself to the accusations that would inevitably follow at the next Order meeting.

* * *

"Severus, we need to talk."

Snape tore his gaze from the food he was shoving around on the plate and looked at McGonagall from the hard, expressionless eyes that never seemed to soften these days.

"Not now, I have marking to do", he refused her as he always did now.

But this time she was not prepared to let it go.

"Balderdash. I'm tired of your excuses. You will come with me now and we will have this talk. I don't care if you'd rather continue to sulk."

"Fine", replied he, and it sounded sulky even to his own ears.

Up in her quarters he stiffly took a seat, relaxing neither his posture nor his expression.

"Tea?" McGonagall asked politely.

She received only a glare in answer but called a house elf anyway. Looking at him over the rim of her steaming cup she remarked, "You can't go on like this, Severus."

"I don't see why not."

"For Merlin's sake, you're moping around as if it were the end of the world!"

Snape opened his mouth for a scathing reply but she just went on.

"I thought you were braver than that. It's pathetic that you're afraid of the transformations when you regularly face You-know-who."

"That's not the point and you know it!" he snarled. "It's –" he broke off.

"The loss of control, I know. But you can't just ignore it. You're a Potions Master, Severus, one of the best. You'll always have Wolfsbane and if you would just stop sulking and set your mind to it you might even be able to find something more permanent."

He scoffed.

"That has been tried for centuries. Unsuccessfully, obviously."

"And just how many of those who tried had both the motivation and the skill? You're not usually so reserved about your talent. You might not be able to find a cure, but I bet you'd be able to make the Wolfsbane more permanent, or find a different solution. Circe, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm beginning to miss your stubbornness."

"Minerva –"

"Just think on it, Severus."

He went quiet then, and finally took a sip of his tea.

"I don't know how much more I can bear", he confessed quietly. "Each year it seems to become worse."

McGonagall looked at him, and her eyes were so full of a feeling he could not identify.

"You already had the heaviest burden of us all."

There was no pity in her voice, he noticed gratefully.

"You never complain about it." She laughed mirthlessly. "Not about the things that really matter, anyway. We tend to forget that you're human."

"I did start the rumours that I am a vampire", Snape remarked dryly.

McGonagall regarded him with a sad smile.

"I hope you will join us in the staff room more often. We all miss you, you know, and it will do you some good to enjoy yourself for once. Remember that you're always welcome to join me for a cup of tea and a game of chess, or even just a good rant."

"You might regret that offer."

Her smile widened and her eyes had a suspicious shine to them as she assured him, "Never, Severus, never."

* * *

The days seemed to fly as the next full moon neared, and with it the dreaded transformation. He had read up on werewolves after the attack in his fifth year, thus he knew that the transformation would last two nights and one day, as the full moon would take place when it was on the other side of the earth.

Snape had not brewed the Wolfsbane this month. If he wanted to follow Minerva's advice he would have to know what an unaided transformation felt like. And he did not feel the least obliged to provide the potion for Lupin.

After lunch he apparated to the small valley in the highlands that he had discovered a few weeks ago. Severus was reasonably sure that nobody would come by, but he transfigured a sturdy cage in the shadow of a cliff all the same. Then there was nothing left to do except wait until the moonrise at 16:07. It was a good thing that he was adept at occlumency; he would not have been able to bear the anxiety without it.

When there were only ten minutes left he undressed and left his wand and the folded clothes on a stone while he stepped into the cage and locked it.

The first ray of moonlight hit him with an agony that was similar to the Cruciatus only in the level of pain. Flesh and muscled were being ripped apart and the way the bones shifted under his skin was both nauseating and excruciating. Hair sprouted everywhere. As his face lengthened all smells seemed to intensify.

The werewolf breathed heavily as it stood still for a moment. Then it howled, the ferocious sound echoing from the rock faces, and threw itself against the confines of the cage.

* * *

[1] Not canon. I'm a bit of a science geek, so there might be some pseudo-scientific explanations of magic strewn in as I go along. Alchemical reaction charts are supposed to be somewhat similar to reaction equations. They contain magical as well as chemical interactions, which makes them hellishly complicated. And if you've seen some of the reaction equations in organic chemistry you'll know how bad it can get even without the magical component. Snape really does know how to torment his students …


End file.
